Guide to Insanity: "Lost"
Alternate names of characters, Glossary of Terms, Lyrics to title tracks, Author's Notes, and Dedications.

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Cast (As Seen on TV)

A few of the main characters have rave names (or, in Chris's case, his DJ name), so to avoid any confusion they are listed here.

Justin Timberlake..."Angelboy" (yes, his name was inspired by/taken from Underworld's "Born Slippy")
Chris Kirkpatrick...."DJ Lucky"
Lance Bass..."Glitter"
Wade J. Robson..."Step"

Glossary (if you don't know, now you know)

I only defined terms applicable to the reading of this story. Meaning, let's say you look at the slang for marijuana and do not see "buddha" listed, although that is a common byname. It isn't listed because it isn't called that in this story. This is the place for you to look if you are reading and think to yourself, "What the hell is [term]?" I tried to make the story easily readable to everyone, but I didn't want to get to the point where I was "dumbing it down", because that would be tiresome to all of us, I think. But even those familiar with raving/drugs may not be familiar with the terms I use, because slang varies regionally. The slang used in this story is that of the Houston and Austin areas, and even that varies. For example, one might hear someone ask for "roll" or "wig" in Houston, whereas in Austin, "roll" is used, but "wig" isn't.

Acid- see LSD.
Blotto- Intoxicated.
Body Roll- in terms of drugs, refers to the physical aspects of using Ecstasy.
Bong-a device used to smoke marijuana that has a chamber to fill with water.
Bowl- in terms of drugs, refers to the part of the pipe/bong that is filled with marijuana.
Bud- see Marijuana.
Cashed- When a pipe/bong bowl can no longer be smoked, because it has been finished.
Candykid- see Raver.
Candy - plastic bead bracelets given/exchanged at raves, worn by ravers.
Candyflipping- using LSD and Ecstasy simultaneously.
Ecstasy/ Ex/ Roll/ Wig -Methylenedioxymethamphetamine (MDMA). A drug that induces euphoric feelings and a lot of insta-friends.
E-tard- a regular user of the drug Ecstasy.
High- under the influence of drugs.
Hookah- a device used to smoke marijuana that is basically a dry-bong with long tubes connected to it that you suck the smoke through.
Jungle- one of the many mutations of House Music, with a MC and heavy bass/drums.
KB- also called Killa Bud/Kind Bud. Potent marijuana.
Keggers- Parties with kegs of beer.
Kikwear -a brand of clothing.
LSD/Acid/Trip-Lysergic Acid Diethylamide. A hallucinogenic drug.
Marijuana- a.k.a. bud, pot, weed.
Party/Parties- Instead of "raves", ravers often simply call them "parties".
Photon- a small electronic light that can be hand-held and used in light shows at raves. Kind of a battery-powered glowstick.
Pot- see Marijuana.
Rave names- Nicknames/titles ravers give each other, sort of like an Indian Spirit Name for E-tards. "Dances With Wolves", meet "Starshine".
Ravers/ Candykids - Frequent rave attendees, who live the lifestyle. Equivalent to let's say a hippie, rather than just someone who went to Woodstock. Dresses, talks, lives for raves.
Raves- Rave parties. You know what raves are, damn it. Quit playin' dumb.
Reload- refill the bowl of a pipe/bong.
Rolling/ Wigging/ Exing - under the influence of Ecstasy.
Shrooming- under the influence of Magic Mushrooms (Psilocybin/Psilocin).
Smog/Smogged- marijuana smoke/ when a room, car, etc. is filled with marijuana smoke.
Smoking out- smoking weed.
Spinning- mixing/playing records. A DJ doin' his thang.
Stomping- rave dancing.
Tripping- under the influence of LSD.
Tweak/tweaking/tweakers- Methamphetamines and their use/rs. Includes Crystal Meth, Crack, Heroin, Cocaine.
UFOs- in this fic, refers to UFO brand name cargo pants made of windbreaker-type material.
Weed- see Marijuana
Wig/Wigging- see Ecstasy

Lyrics of the title tracks

"Fade Into You" by Mazzy Star, from the album "So Tonight That I Might See". One of the most beautiful songs ever. Buy the album. But for now, if you're interested, here are the lyrics. (Sidenote: if you are wondering what the faint print reads on the splash page, it is these lyrics).

I want to hold the hand inside you
I want to take a breath that's true
I look to you and I see nothing
I look to you to see the truth
You live your life
You go in shadows
You'll come apart and you'll go black
Some kind of night into your darkness
Colors your eyes with what's not there.

Fade into you
Strange you never knew
Fade into you
I think it's strange you never knew

A stranger's light comes on slowly
A stranger's heart without a home
You put your hands into your head
And then smiles cover your heart.

"Summerland" by Everclear, from the album "Sparkle and Fade". This is one of those albums you can listen straight through. I've slashed a song off of it before, "You Make Me Feel Like A Whore". Lyrics from "Summerland" were used on the splash page and as the titles for the individual parts of this series. I think the song in itself is most relevant to Part Two: "Sparkle".

Let's just drive your car,
we could drive all day.
let's just get the hell away from here.
for I am sick again-
just plain sick to death
of the sound of my own voice.
we could leave behind another wasted year,
just get some cheap red wine and just go flying.

we could do the things, all the things you wanted to,
no one cares about us anyway.

I think I lost my smile,
I think you lost yours too.
we have lost the power to make each other laugh.
let's just leave this place
and go to summerland
just a name on the map
sounds like heaven to me.

we could find a town-
be just how we want to be,
no one here really cares about us anyway.
we could find a place-
make it what we want it to be,
no one really gives a fuck about us anyway.
we could live-
live just like we want to live,
no one here really cares about us anyway.
we could be-
everything we want to be,
we could get lost in the fall, glimmer, sparkle, and fade.

forget about our jobs at the record store,
forget about all the losers that we know,
forget about all the memories that keep you down,
forget about them,
we could lose them in the sparkle and fade.
we could leave them behind in the sparkle and fade.
yhea, sparkle and fade,
fall, glimmer, sparkle, and fade .

Section Lyrics credited at the bottom of each series part.

Author's Notes

This is mildly autobiographical, as far as the settings go. If you are from or have partied in the Austin/Houston areas and recognize any of these places, drop me a note. I would be very amused to hear so, and maybe we even have friends in common...that would be a trip, huh?

Also, some of the things people talk/think about while under the influence are taken directly from my own adventures in experimentation. For example, in Part One: "Glimmer", Chris's "projectile daydreams" (first thought of while smoking out) in IV, JC's "falling stars" (an experience on acid) in VI, his "taste game" (you don't have to be high to enjoy this!) and "Space Penis" (a cartoon I've drawn recreationally since high school) in VII. One thing that is definitely NOT autobiographical, is JC's dislike of vivid hallucinations. I love 'em.

Although I frequented raves when I was younger (15, 16 years old), I no longer attend them unless one of my Favorite DJs is spinning. Frankly, I don't care for the scene nowadays. And despite the fact that I've owned my fair share of candy and pacifiers (hey, they're essential at times), I would never say that I was ever really a Candykid. I never bought into the whole P.L.U.R.* crap, I just love to dance, party, and listen to good music. Being a Candykids is lame, in my never-humble opinion. But no lamer than being a goth, tree-hugging hippie, skater, jock, etc. Buying into any pre-packaged identity is lame. I'm not saying that I hate Candykids anymore than anyone else. I have friends of all types...I'm just saying that although I write about it, I would roll my eyes if I saw Justin or JC as they are in this story (i.e. dressed all raver) walking around the mall. Roll my eyes and then try to fuck them, but still. It's especially loserish to me in this story because they're older. If they were 15, that would be one thing...but they're college-age. That's bueno.

*Peace, Love, Unity, Respect- the bullshit raver creed. I'm sorry, but that's too neo-hippie for me. And where is the P.L.U.R. when someone's overdosing on bad Ex or getting raped in a parking lot? It's partying, folks. It's dangerous and fucked up and irresponsible. And, yhea, fun as shit. But let's not paint roses on it and call it a garden.

I started this story in 2000. It's been since dubbed Ficzilla. A monsterpiece. I have been slaying it for a long, lonnng time. So, I have a special regard for it.


Of course, to the Lords of Hell. I mean, really, was there any doubt? I would single y'all out, but I won't bother, because you each know how you're special to me.

To all my other homies: y'all know who you are. Thanks for being crazyassfools.

Much Lurve, y'all.

Thank You

To Eri for the splash page. DAMN, woman. Just...yhea.

And to myself, for always being there for me.

Fuck the fuck off, you fucking fucks

To all the assholes and sellouts: y'all know who you are, too. Hate the game, not the player, mothafuckas! Ahahaha. You know I only put this here so I could say that, and "fuck" a lot.

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Prologue: "Fall"

Fade Into You Index

Fiction Index