"You ain't the shit you think you are!!!!!" JC screamed.

"Tell him why girlfriend!" Chris urged, flipping his wrist flamboyantly.

"I ain't your girlfriend, bitch!" JC pimp-smacked Chris.

"Guys...stop fighting! You'll scare Dirk!" Lance stroked his ferret.

"Well, we'll stop fighting when Justin cleans the fucking mess he made!" JC yelled, pointing accusingly at the messy bathroom. Life on the road, living in a bus with four other men, wasn't easy; especially when Justin was such a FUCKING SLOB.

"I'm not cleaning that shit up. It's not all my mess." Justin was sitting at the kitchenette table, playing Tetris on his Game Boy. He didn't even look up as JC and Chris ranted.

"No, dude, that wasn't me. I didn't do that." JC glared at him.

"Please stop yelling! You guys are gonna make me cry!" Lance's bottom lip trembled, and he buried his face in Dirk's fur.

Joey looked up from the centerfold in this month's issue of 'Dude' magazine, "Aww, baby, come here, come sit on Daddy's lap." Joey put down the magazine and patted his legs.

Lance snuggled into Joey's lap gratefully, "I just hate it when they quarrel," he nuzzled Joey's neck, "Loud voices s-s-scare me!"

"Don't fret, baby bear. Daddy's here. I'll take care of you." Joey lovingly stroked Lance's head or back or dick or who knows. "Who's Daddy's Girl?" Joey asked. Lance just giggled and shrugged. "Who's Daddy's Girl?" Joey prodded.

"I am! I am!" Lance stuck his finger in his mouth, "I'm Daddy's Sweet Cupcake Dumplin' Girl!"

"Listen, you little dumbfuck bitch, I don't care who's cock you suck every night! You get in there and clean that fucking bathroom before I have to get out the handcuffs and whip!" JC screamed at Justin.

"Oh, FUCK YOU!" Justin threw his Game Boy at JC, hitting him in the nuts.

"Holy fuck!" JC doubled over in pain, his eyes rolling back in his head. Joey started cracking up, and Lance cowered in fear.

"Fuck, Justin! You got him in the balls!" Chris kneeled beside JC, who was now in the fetal position on the floor. "You okay, dude?"

"No, you fucking asshole, I just got hit in the nuts by a fucking Game Boy. Do you think I'm okay?" JC bitch-slapped Chris. Joey laughed harder. Lance started crying.

"You guys, violence is not the answer!" Lance told them, as Joey licked his tears away.

"No sex for you for a week! No, make that a month! That hurt like a fucking bitch!" JC yelled in a high-pitched-Chris voice.

"No sex for a month? You wish! You'll be beggin' for my sweet cock in a matter of hours, Mr. Horndog! A nympho like you couldn't go a day without sex, much less a month. Your head would explode...both of them." Justin smirked.

"I said no sex for you.. that doesn't mean I can't get any.. I'll fuck DOGFACE over there if I have to...I just don't plan on fucking YOU!" JC yelled scanning over Lance, or Dogface as he was sometimes referred to, then back at Justin, daring him to comment.

"Dude, okay, you take Lance and I'll take Justin!" Joey agreed eagerly, pushing Lance off his lap and holding his arms out towards Justin, "Come to Papa!"

"Yhea, I'll go get me some Italian sausage!" Justin slid into Joey's lap, but smacked Joey's hand away when the older man tried to feel up his ass.

"Oh, hay-al no! You did not just dump me for that curly-haired pumpkin pie freak!" Lance glared at Joey in disbelief, scrambling to his feet.

"Well, baby, have you seen his pelvic thrusts on stage? Judging from the way JC screams like a cheap whore when they fuck, I'm thinking he does that shit in bed!" Joey showed no remorse.

"Who are you calling a cheap whore? I'm the one who has him screaming!" JC claimed.

"Yhea, for help!" Justin laughed, "I'm like, 'Help, this scrawny-ass sexfeind is trying to suck my dick off!'"

"Oh, you know you love it!" JC grabbed his crotch and thrusted towards Justin.

"Mmm! Beefy!" Lance licked his lips at the sight of JC's prominent bulge.

"Hey! I'm beefy!" Joey protested.

"Fellas, can we please stick to the issue here? That bathroom isn't going to clean itself!" Chris gestured towards the messy room.

"Fuck the bathroom!" JC cried.

"Nympho!" Justin accused.

Joey grabbed Justin's hand and put it on his crotch, "Am I beefy?"

Justin ripped his hand away and jumped out of Joey's lap,"God damn, Joey, are you retarded? Now I have to cut off my hand!"

Joey looked at Lance appealingly, "You think I'm beefy, don't you, sexmuffin?"

"I ain't yo' muffin!" Lance crossed his arms and turned away from Joey, "Don't talk to me."

"Aw, Lanceykins, don't be a bad girl. You know Daddy loves you." Joey gave Lance an apologetic pout, "Come on, come give Daddy some sugar, Sugar."

"Nobody loves me!" Chris whined.

"That's cause you're a fucking leprechaun!" JC told him.

"Yhea, you're 29, why are you talking?" Justin asked him, "Go count the shillings in your pot of gold."

"What are shillings?" Joey asked, momentarily forgetting his angry sexmuffin.

"Hello!" Lance waved his hand at Joey, "I'm not talking to you! Pay attention!"

"Oh, yhea," Joey turned back to Lance, "Pwease forgive Daddy, he didn't mean to make babygirl angwy."

"You guys promised my mom you wouldn't call me a leprechaun anymore!" Chris glared at Justin and JC, "I'm telling!"

"Wah, wah, wah. Somebody call the wah-mbulance!" JC teased.

"Shut up, you fucking leprechaun." Justin dismissed him.

"I am not a leprechaun! I don't have any gold! I don't have any lucky charms! I don't have any shamrocks or horse shoes!" Chris screamed.

"Then what the hell are you good for?" JC mumbled.

"Do leprechauns have horse shoes?" Joey asked.

"Ahh!" Chris yelled in frustration, "I AM NOT A LEPRECHAUN!" Chris spun around on his heel and started to storm out of the room, but he tripped over a stray sneaker and fell on his ass, gold peices tumbling out of his pockets.

"Ha! I knew it!" Justin cried triumphantly.

"You'll never get me gold!" Chris gathered the shillings frantically, "Don't touch me shillings!"'

"Fuck your shillings." JC muttered.

"Nympho!" Justin cried.

"Shut up with the nympho shit." JC warned him, "Or I'll tell everyone my secret pet name for you."

"Ooh, what is it?" Joey cooed.

"Hello! Joey! Remember me? The guy who's not speaking to you?!" Lance tugged on Joey's pant leg.

Joey pushed Lance's hand away, "Not now, honeybuns, Daddy's having grown-up time."

"I'll tell them..." JC threatened.

"You wouldn't dare." Justin glared.

"I'll be in my bunk if anyone wants me!" Chris tried to make a dramatic exit.

"No one will." Justin assured him.

"Are you still here?" JC asked Chris, who turned and ran out of the room crying.

"I'm a grown up!" Lance whined, "I'm older than Justin."

"We're going by dick length," Justin informed Lance, "and as far as that goes, you're considered a 3 year-old girl."

"Fuck you, bitch." Lance retorted.

"Nope, don't think so." Justin shook his head, holding his thumb and forefinger several inches apart, "You must be this long to ride this roller coaster of love."

"Only I can ride that ride!" JC gave Lance a 'back off, bitch' glare.

"What happened to no sex for a month?" Justin laughed, "Nympho."

"Justin, don't make me do it. I'll tell them what I call you..." JC turned his glare on his boyfriend.

"Tell us! Tell us!" Joey urged.

"You wouldn't tell them." Justin smirked,"You don't have the balls."

"Oh, really?" JC smirked back, "Try me."

Justin quirked an eyebrow, "Nympho."

JC grinned devilishly, "Creamsicle."

"Bitch!" Justin dove for JC, tackling him. They fell to the floor, wrestling.

"What's a Creamsicle?" Joey asked, licking his lips, "Sounds nasty."

"It's one of those popsicles with ice cream inside." Lance told him, then remembered that he wasn't talking to Joey and turned away.

"That's it?" Joey made a disappointed face, "What's so bad about that? I thought it was gonna be something really nasty or something. Like, Loverocket or Funkadelic Fuckster or something."

JC and Justin froze suddenly, looked over at Joey.

"Loverocket?" JC gave Joey a weird look.

"Funkadelic Fuckster?" Justin laughed.

"Joey! Those are our private nookie-names!" Lance smacked Joey admonishingly.

"I wonder which one's Loverocket?" JC mused.

"Ten bucks says Joey's the Funkadelic Fuckster." Justin bet, still straddling JC, pinning him down by his wrists.

"How about ten fucks?" JC bargained. Justin leaned down close, until their noses touched,"You're on," he smiled, "Nympho."

"Creamsicle." JC grinned, licking Justin's nose.

Justin growled softly before shoving his tongue down JC's throat.

"Aww, they made up." Lance clapped his hands happily.

"Come here, my Loverocket." Joey said, pulling Lance into his lap and kissing him.

Justin pulled his lips away from JC's and grinned, "I win."

"You win." JC agreed, grinding against him.

Justin rolled off of JC and stood up, then pulled JC to his feet. "Let's go to the rec room. I want to collect my winnings."

JC let Justin pull him towards the back of the bus, glancing at the bathroom as they went, "You still have to clean the bathroom, you know."

Justin dropped JC's hand, frowned, "I'm not cleaning that fucking bathroom, Jace."

"Yes, you are." JC matched his frown.

Justin stepped close, giving JC his most irresistable pout, "But I don't wanna."

JC broke like a bad habit, "Oh...all right." He sighed, "We'll make Lance do it."

"Hey!" Lance protested.

"It's only fair, Lance. Me and JC are the lead singers. Chris is the leprechaun. Joey's the Joey. What are you?" Justin pointed out. Lance didn't answer. "You're the maid." Justin finished, smiling sweetly.

"You ain't the shit you think you are!" Lance yelled.

"Tell him why, girlfriend!" Chris yelled from his bunk of despair.